Feeling trapped or unfulfilled in your marriage is a truly difficult way to live. Whether you’ve been married for 20 years or 2 years, choosing to get a divorce is never easy. No relationship is perfect, and conflicts are likely to occur even in the happiest of marriages. However, if your marriage has turned into an unfulfilling and unhealthy relationship, it may be time to get a divorce. Here are 9 common signs your marriage may be over.
1. You don’t communicate.
Open communication is integral to a healthy marriage. Couples who communicate are able to express their wants, needs, and expectations with one another and learn how to resolve conflict in a respectful way. Lack of communication between partners can lead to misunderstandings and marital distress.
Without an open line of communication couples will quickly come to resent one another for seemingly small issues. Small disagreements can then become monumental differences of opinion. It may not seem like it, but couples who argue with one another are at least communicating. When couples have decided they no longer want to attempt to communicate to avoid an argument, it may be time to consider getting a divorce.
2. Your goals don’t include your spouse.
You and your partner undoubtedly have individual goals. Everyone does! There’s nothing wrong with each of you having your own personal goals and aspirations. However, if you and your partner are not supportive of each other’s ambitions, your relationship may not be able to go the distance. For a marriage to be successful, you and your partner must be on the same page when it comes to major life decisions. If neither of you are willing to compromise or refuse to be supportive of one another, resentments will arise, and it can destroy your marriage.
3. You’re not yourself.
While it’s important to create a healthy boundary around your marriage, you don’t want to lose sight of yourself. When you lose yourself in a relationship, it can leave you feeling lost, uncertain, and depressed. Being unhappily married can strip you of your personality, especially when you are always walking on eggshells around your spouse. If you’re experiencing a drastic and unhealthy change in your personality, your marriage could be the culprit.
4. You’re no longer intimate.
Sex isn’t everything, but intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship. Sex and physical touch help you and your partner bond by releasing oxytocin (“the love hormone”) in your body. Not only does sex promote feelings of love and care, but it also acts as a natural stress reliever.
Every couple has different levels of intimacy, and it’s natural for your sex life to find a more stable rhythm the longer you’re together. But if you are not attracted to your partner, don’t trust your partner in the bedroom, or feel repelled by the idea of being intimate with them, it’s likely you’re in an unhappy marriage.
5. You don’t compromise.
For a marriage to work, you must work as a team, and being part of a team requires a little give and take. Compromise allows you and your partner to meet each other’s needs and strike a healthy balance in your life together. Without compromise, you will experience common relationship problems that often lead to a lack of respect for your partner’s opinions or feelings. A marriage cannot last without mutual respect, and compromising requires respect to be successful.
6. You’re detached.
If you’re unwilling or unable to share your feelings and problems with your partner, you may be detached from your relationship. Generally, your partner is the person who you confide in, but when you find yourself not wanting to share anything with them, it could be a sign your marriage is over. While becoming detached from one another it may be easy to feel as though you are in a rut and nothing you do could improve your situation.
You may become depressed and your mental and physical health may even take a toll. This mindset, if left unchecked, may mean a lack of motivation to even consider divorce. When either you or your spouse have become indifferent towards each other, you should begin considering your options. For most people, divorce is an emotionally draining process, and it’s for this and many other reasons you should seek the guidance of a mediator.
7. You don’t trust each other.
Trust is the foundation for any relationship, and it’s considered to be the cornerstone of any healthy, happy marriage. Without it, the marriage will be shaky and will eventually, and inevitably, fail. Lack of trust is one of the main reasons for divorce. Lack of trust is synonymous with lack of security and loyalty. Trust also gives you assurance, can help you overcome obstacles, and resolve conflicts.
When you have built a stable relationship on trust, you will both be free to be your authentic selves. Trust is a fundamental element to any fruitful relationship. Any sort of contract or business relationship requires a degree of trust between the parties involved. Marriage is, of course, a prime example of this. Without trust, it may only be a matter of time before you are faced with the fact that it’s time to get divorced.
8. You no longer care about fixing the problem.
Improving your marriage requires two willing participants. Both partners have to be open to digging deep and working on themselves, as well as their relationship. If therapy isn’t working and you and your partner are unwilling to work on improving your relationship, it’s a clear sign of trouble. Once a spouse, or both spouses, give up and are no longer interested or willing to put in the work necessary to save the marriage, divorce is inevitable.
9. You already have an exit strategy.
Chances are that if you are already experiencing anything in this article, you may already be contemplating an exit strategy. An exit strategy may include financial and familial arrangements, or even researching the divorce process in general. If you are already looking for a way out of your marriage, divorce is a strong possibility.
Making the decision to leave a marriage can be overwhelming, to say the least. When couples choose to get a divorce, there’s often a deep fear of being alone and a fear of an unknown future. Consulting with a mediator can help the lengthy and emotionally-draining process of divorce go much more smoothly. Our mediators at New York Divorce Mediation Group can provide you and your spouse with a non-aggressive, holistic approach to your divorce.
At New York Divorce Mediation Group, we offer our divorce mediation services as a smarter, holistic alternative to costly divorce court proceedings for couples who are planning to legally separate or divorce.
For a virtual consultation, please call us at (516) 788-7352 or contact us online to schedule a consultation.